Egos wherever I go.

Put it away, leave it behind, drop it, forget it, destroy it.

The word “ego” gets a worse rep than the ego itself. I’m convinced that people are more afraid of it rather than against it. Afraid in the way that people are of heights; because you felt you needed a weakness and this one seemed like a no-brainer.

Please let me, from my current not-so-full-of-myself vantage, tell you why you shouldn’t fear your own ego.

We’re never completely happy with our functional, healthy-ish body. It only takes a sharp look to shush our mind. We simply must comply. If you have a difference in opinion, you’re only doing it to rile everyone up. And failing that, we have an ego problem.

Yeah, no.

I’ve been going through some dark shit these past few months, but I love myself with the same intensity that I hate myself. That’s my prerogative. Having an ego lets me do that, and it also lets me stop the world from weighing in on the debate.

I put my foot in my mouth on a weekly basis, I make mistakes, I stumble and fall, I second-guess my every move. But I’m the boss of me. I decide when I get to celebrate, regret or repeat both my genius and my stupidity.

We’ve all been told this at some point in our lives: “For any relationship to work, you need to put your ego aside.”

If I put my ego aside to make a relationship work, then what am I putting into the relationship? By definition, I’ve just given up my sense of self-esteem. I’ve just given up the “I” in “I love you” or “I’ll respect you” or “I don’t want to”. That makes me nothing, and gives me nothing to put into my relationships.

Would you want to be with such a person?

Being with someone who respects themselves and knows what they stand for means that you don’t need to constantly validate their every move or think for them. You can both live and love as equals.

Having an ego even gives you the clarity to put someone else’s needs before your own.

Ergo, ego is good.

Ego

And no, Trump doesn’t have an ego problem, he has a mental problem. Kanye doesn’t have a giant ego, he is a giant arse.

I have occasional spurts of shaky ego. I don’t think that will ever go away completely, but that doesn’t “keep my ego in check,” it’s just a reminder that I still have a lot of learning and living to do.

Then there are instances when my ego takes a beating. I reckon that’s ok; much like tripping over my own foot. Or walking into a mirror. Shit happens. Contrary to smartarse opinions, it isn’t because I have my nose so high up in the air that I don’t see my own foot coming. Or mirror. Or beating.

Besides, your ego would only get a beating when you’re willing to go into unchartered territory. So, good on ya! Now dust yourself off and try again. You’re the only one who has to look yourself in the mirror when all is said and done. You’re the only one who you owe an explanation to. I say embrace your ego. Flaunt it, boost it, never stop working on it.

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3 thoughts on “Egos wherever I go.

  1. Beautiful, Payal.

    You are super cool. Remember how you used to climb over your house gate to get back home in the night? You would love hanging out with us older and wiser colleagues (Kalpana, das and shams and Kavita) and poor you didn’t drink a drop of alcohol but had the most trouble getting back home. 🙂

    Chill and whatever it is that is troubling you will disappear soon enough. 🙂

    Love and hugs
    DJ

    Liked by 1 person

    • DJ! The first thought that rushed into my head when I saw that you had commented, was to run and and hide under the covers. YOU are reading what I wrote. Jesus Christ! YOU!

      Your Tanishq script is still one of the most magical things I’ve read. And you introduced me to Lawrence Durrell. You pretty much showed me how words work (and please, don’t take blame for that!)

      Ah jumping that fence was such fun times. You weren’t around for my next year at Lowe. I had to be tossed over the fence most nights. Fun thing is that my next house didn’t have a fence!

      Thank you, the dark clouds are passing. It’s these over-thinking heads some of us are blessed with.

      Thanks DJ. Stay in touch!

      Like

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