Here I am. I have the time, I have the space, I even have the pen and paper. But I don’t have the words. Geez, and it’s only my second post (Yes, I use pen on paper before fingers on keyboard). Staring at my flight number slowly creep up the leader board isn’t helping either. 2 hours to get on my 5-hour flight to my first home, and maybe, next one.
In 32 years, I haven’t lived in one place for more than 8 years at a time. First there was Kuwait. My birthplace and first home. Then during the Gulf war there was Nagercoil, a little town in Tamil Nadu, India. My refuge and emotional home. The place I go to in my dreams. Trivandrum, India came next. The place I liked least, but found the people I love most. After that Bangalore, India was my personal home. Only mine. No family, no loves, just me. Melbourne, Australia became home, where I built my life and home with my love.
And now I’m out again, looking for my next home. I’m heading to the golden sands and blinding splendour of the Middle East, hungry for a new adventure with a generous side serve of shish kebab and hoummus.
Look at that – the words are coming in after all! And my flight has moved up a notch. Celebrations all around!
Thirty thousand feet up in the sky and three hours into my flight, I struggle to fall asleep. It could be the person in front of me with his seat pushed back all the way, or it could be the voices in my head. I can’t speak for the stranger on my lap, but the voices in my head are old friends/foes (No, I will not say frenemies). The questions are the same – Were we insane to leave our jobs in Melbourne and head overseas with no job? What if nothing works out? Why would any adult in their right mind pluck a 1-year old from his secure environment and move into the unknown? Are we absolutely, farking mental?
Here’s the thing – I don’t know if I’ve blocked out the negativity, but those thoughts don’t frighten me. Yes, they make me nervous, but somehow, in my very little world, they make me feel like I’m following at least one of those pins I pin so fervently on Pinterest.
This is a very new, unfamiliar state-of-mind for me. I’m the kind of obsessive, neurotic being who needs to know what next plans are, and have it in writing to make sure no one changes my plans. Now suddenly I thrive under the doubtful glances. I love not knowing what I’ll be doing 5 days from now. Eating. I’ll still be eating five days from now. But in life, I don’t know! I guess I just gotta have faith fa-faith fa-faith.
We’ll be landing soon, so wish me luck and keep watching this space to see me go from fearless to clueless to quivering mess to success. Repeat cycle.